Some people are always with us...:
Image credit http://hastalosjuegos.es/

After the loss of our babies Hannah and Daniel, I developed depression
and anxiety.  I tried (and try) my best
to beat it, and most days lately I am ok. 
But this last week or so has been hard. 
I have been feeling a bit low and lost, like that dark cloud is making
its way back.  I know the feeling well
and am trying to work out why it is back, so that I can work out what to do
about it and get back to the sunshine. 
And I think it is this. 
I have been feeling invisible lately. 
Invisible and unimportant. 
When asked “if you could have any superpower what would
yours be”, I’ve heard many people reply that they would like to be
invisible.  But lately, I find myself
wondering why?  It is a really lonely
isolated way to be.  I’d much rather x
ray vision, or the ability to read people’s thoughts!
The feeling of being invisible comes from many little things
adding up to one big feeling that is hard to shake. 
It is the child who you’ve missed all day
while they are at school barely being able to force himself to say ten words to
you when you pick him up.  
It is the
husband who only ever says “you look nice” when you come back from the
hairdresser, despite you trying to look your best every day.  
It is the friends who choose other social
engagements over yours, despite your invitation coming first, making you feel
like they are waiting for a better offer.  
It is the family member who knows it is your birthday and doesn’t contact
you.  
It is when you know your email has
been read but never received a reply.  
It
is when all the work you do all day goes unnoticed – the food you have
prepared, the four loads of washing you put away, but it looks like you haven’t
because you just got four more in from the line.  
It is so many little things like that, that
when they are all felt together in a short space of time, add up to a big
feeling.  A feeling I don’t like very
much. 
And, after having my therapy session with my sister, I know
that all of these things are probably not really about me at all.   
The child who wont talk about his day is
just tired and needs some downtime before he chats.  
The husband does notice you but isn’t a
talker, never has been, never will be. 
He shows his love for you in other ways.  
The friends are just busy and trying their best to fit their priorities
in.  
The email or text has been read, and
a reply has probably been drafted in their head or on the phone fifty times
already, but like you, that person keeps getting interrupted and it never gets
sent (I am so super guilty of doing this, particularly with texts.  I am going to try much harder to reply). 
So why is it, when I know all that in my head, that I still
get that feeling anyway?  I listened to a
podcast the other day about The Five Love
Languages
(here’s the link to the podcast). 
I found it really useful and have downloaded the book to read up on it
further.  
The idea is that each of us has
a natural way that we like to express and receive love.  Issues arise when your love language is not
spoken.  Like if I only speak English,
and my husband only speaks German, there would be severe frustrations,
misinterpretations and a serious lack of communication.  It is the same with love languages.  
There are five languages – Words of Affirmation,
Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Quality Time and Receiving Gifts. There is a quiz you can take to
find out what your love language is – go here
The 5 Love Languages:
It was no surprise to me to find out that my love language
is words of affirmation.  Here is the explanation for this language:

Actions don’t always speak louder than words.  If this is your love language, unsolicited
compliments mean the world to you. 
Hearing the words, “I love you” are important – hearing the reasons
behind that love sends your spirits skyward. 
Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.  Kind, encouraging and positive words are
truly life-giving. 
Words have such power for me – positive and negative.  I like to hear the words! This is the way I also like to show my
love.  I notice something and say
something nice.  I am always praising the
children and encouraging with positive words. 
This is also what I crave. 
Because I’m not a mind reader I need to hear that I am important,
noticed, loved. 
So, I’m wondering, what love language are you?  Take the quiz and let me know.  It might help us to show our love for each
other better.  It might just help me to
understand and not feel so invisible. 
Want to join me in a challenge?  Have a think about who in your life might be
feeling a bit invisible at the moment and make a special effort to let them
know you see them. 
Until next time
E xx