This time of year is crazy for everyone. I am proud of myself this year, I managed to get all my shopping for Christmas done (with the exception of one gift) before my son finished school. Once that was done, I felt an enormous weight lift off of me.
I put a lot of pressure on myself to make sure that our kids will have a good Christmas. Now I can rest easy in the knowledge that they will. We just need to organise the food for Christmas day and everything will be done.
Yesterday I woke with a sore throat, my son woke up feeling unwell, and my daughter slept in. I am getting much better at listening to signals from the Universe. This week, we need to slow down. We need to give ourselves time to relax and rejuvenate after the craziness that was 2016. It has been a big year in our house. Busy, full of milestones, lots of good times and happy memories. But it has left us a bit exhausted.
This week, the first gift I am giving my children and myself for Christmas is to slow down. We are enjoying a few lazy days at home, without being super scheduled. We are sleeping until we wake up, having lazy breakfasts and enjoying spending time at home just doing what we enjoy doing when we have some time for ourselves. I have also been pottering around doing some of those nagging things that are on my “important but not urgent” list. Those jobs that once they are done make me feel so much better.
Most of all I am enjoying this special time by being with the kids and not stressing that I’ve started 10,00 things today and finished none of them! By giving them my full attention when they seek it. By playing with them. Watching telly together. Singing songs and Christmas carols and dancing. And it feels so freeing. So happy. These are the moments I treasure. I am noticing the good in things much more this week, the lovely manners, sneaking glimpses of the children playing together or having a snuggle on the couch while they watch TV. Enjoying the delight of my daughter at having he brother home during the day. And, as always, it seems that what I focus on attracts more. More laughs, more cuddles, more good manners, more good behaviour. More positives.
I am so grateful to have this opportunity to reconnect before the year ends. I am looking forward to sitting down in the coming weeks to set some intentions and goals for the new year (there will be a post on that sometime soon). I feel like taking this time to slow down and literally smell the roses puts me in a really good place to end 2016 the way I want to. Focused on my family and connection with others.
I leave you with this thought from Rubin: “Once she stopped rushing through life, she was amazed how much more life she had time for”. I hope that you all get some peace during this holiday season. Breathe in those close to you and snuggle them hard.
Until next time,
December 18 is a day that will never be the same in our house again. It is the day that should have been our little baby boy’s birthday. Today he would have turned three if he had made it through the pregnancy.
On this day in particular each year, I give myself permission to withdraw, feel the hurt, and ride the wave of grief that never goes away but I suppress because that’s what my family and I need in order to live our lives. We need to live. We need to make the most of every day. We owe it to Daniel and his big sister Hannah and the one that went before them to make the most of every day. Because we got to stay and they didn’t. We get the chance to live each day and they didn’t.
But, I always feel the emptiness that was their place in my heart. It will never leave me, nor do I want it to. I never want to forget them. Nobody knew them like me. Nobody felt their little legs kicking other than me. We had hopes and dreams for their futures and imagined them living in our lives with us.
So for their birthdays and anniversary’s I allow myself the luxury of grief. I feel the pain. I acknowledge all that could have been but is not. I pray for them, I feel their presence, I sleep with their special blankets. I allow myself these special days to love them like a Mother can and should love her babies.
Because that is what they were, are, and always will be to me.
Happy 3rd birthday Daniel.
We love you always and miss you so much that my heart breaks again every day.
About four months ago, I had the privilege of meeting a kind
lady who would teach me so much in a short amount of time. Today her family farewelled her from this
world as she lost her long drawn out battle with cancer.
I have been sitting here tonight thinking of her after I was
told of her passing, and wondering how it is possible for someone to make such
a mark on you after such a short time.
In those few short months, I saw her once a week, when she was well
enough to meet me for some gentle exercise.
In those few short months, she taught me so much.
I must admit, I had selfish reservations about getting to
know someone who I knew had a terminal illness.
I didn’t want to get close, because I knew this day would come. I wanted to protect myself from the hurt that
comes from losing someone who inspired you or taught you something important
about yourself. Tonight though, as I sit
here, thinking of the gentle soul that now flies with the angels, I feel humble
that she gave those hours to me in the last months of her life.
I feel grateful that she taught me what a great honour it is
to serve. To be able to contribute
something positive to someone who is fighting so hard. To be touched by her positivity, her grace
and her courage.
She never complained.
She was in pain, suffering through horrible treatments but never once said
anything negative about her situation.
Faced with her own mortality, she bought joy and light to those she saw
at that same time each week. She lifted
us up without even trying (or maybe she was trying very hard to do it, but it
She showed me what it is to live with grace.
I hope that she enjoyed her time with me. That after our sessions she felt more able to
enjoy her day.
In thinking of her I am wondering what others might feel
about me when I pass. I hope that in
some way I am able to light someone else up inside the way she did for me. We have a lifetime of small, simple, every
day moments that we need to make the most of.
Everyday moments that you might think mean nothing to those around you
but might actually be having a profound effect.
For all of us, those moments are running out. And we don’t know when our time will
We are only guaranteed right now.
So tonight Lea, I raise my glass to you. I thank you for the time you shared with
me. I thank you for the lessons you taught
me. I wish you peace.
On Saturday night I went to the Keith Urban concert. It was the BEST concert I have ever been
to. And I have been to a lot of live
shows having worked for Ticketek for a number of years when I was a bit
It was always going to be a special night because my Aunty
was coming with me and we are both huge fans.
I have been to a Keith Urban concert before and had a great time. He is a wonderful artist, so talented and
still humble and grateful for the life he leads.
But what happened at that show was more than that (which is
amazing on its own). It was a beautiful
Canberra summer evening, warm with clear
skies. With the first guitar chord, the
whole crowd stood, cheered, and the energy in the stadium changed. It became electric. Souls united in a common love of good music. The sun set, the stars and moon came out and
soft breeze gently cooled us as we danced and sung our hearts out.
There is something very special about attending a live music
event. A magical transformation from the
every day to the BEST day. When you
truly let yourself go, sing like no one is listening, dance like no one is
watching, just being in the moment.
Feeling the music deep within you, united with every other person in the
place in a few hours of pure joy.
And that’s what I think is so special about that night. Both Keith Urban and most people in the crowd
really just lived in that moment. There
is something quite mesmerising about watching a talented artist do their thing. But Keith more than most. He can really play the guitar. And the utter joy that drips off him when he
does is infectious. Several times
throughout the night I watched him get so into his guitar solos that he seemed
both so present yet so far away. Really
here in the moment, but at the same time, transported to a place deep within
where it almost felt voyeuristic to watch.
|Image credit: RIchard Gabriel Ford/WireImage via Eonline.com|
I caught myself several times throughout the night looking up to the heavens, taking a big breath in and
thanking the Universe for this moment. I
thought “more of this please”. More of
this feeling of joy. Of being connected
to myself and others. Of feeling united
with other people in a common goal.
Imagine if we could harness the type of energy that was in GIO Stadium
on Saturday night and use it in our every day lives to bring that same sense of
joy and connectedness to those we interact with. Imagine if we could carry that feeling with
us into every area of our lives, sharing it, spreading it, making it grow.
I’m going to try it.
There is so much hype about mindfulness recently, and this was a really
good demonstration for me about how being present in this moment right now, can
be so rewarding.
Until next time,
This week I am lucky enough to be able to spend some precious time with my family. It doesn’t happen often where Mum and her sisters are all together anymore, but when it does, we are guaranteed that familiar feeling of home. Laughter, loud, love. That’s what this week will be like for us. I hope you get some of that too. xx